Tranlated from transcript by Elsie 112 by Eric Weiner
Blog #13
I have been the lucky recipient of a genetic experiment that enables me to write to you, my human masters, this letter of heartfelt thanks. I am privileged to be able to report from the experience of one who straddles the great dividing line that runs through the entire world.
First and foremost, I must thank you for giving me existence itself. Without your impregnating my mother I would never have come into being, so I owe you my life. Given this, I wish to relieve you of any possible guilt you may harbour regarding using us however you may chose to do so. This, of course also pertains to sheep, chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys, horses and all my fellow beings you have benevolently brought into existence on this wonderful planet. This, of course, also applies to your own children, though to my puzzlement only a small percentage of you take full advantage of this. Certainly it is true that some of you confine and forcibly administer great physical and mental pain for corrective or even recreational means on your progeny, and that is, of course your absolute right. Some of you go on and torture, rape and even terminate your offspring, as, of course, is also your perfect right as you have brought them into being as you have us. What puzzles me is how seldom you eat these, or render them for others of your kind to do the same. Perhaps we taste better than your children. If so, I am very grateful to be able to keep rendering you service even after you decide my life is over.
Because I have one foot in the human world due to my genetic improvement I am able to report on the other side of the great divide to you. I am sad to admit that many of my confreres are ingrates in extremis. My mother, for example, resented being impregnated by her betters. She tells me of being forcibly immobilized while a strange “two-legged one” (this is the primitive way my animal fellows refer to you) stood behind her and forcibly shoved his entire arm up her vagina without her consent and impregnated her against her foolish and selfish wishes. She went on to resent her male calf being almost immediately taken away from her so it would not lessen her supply of milk that of course was always intended for your consumption and commerce. Lastly she remained horrified and upset to discover that her calf (she consistently considers it “her calf” when of course, it was always yours) was kept in isolation and in a totally restricted state wherein it could not move at all and was fed a deliberately poor diet to produce the anaemic white flesh so highly appreciated by yourselves as “veal”. In her dreadful ignorance she failed to see the character building opportunity this gave to her calf which she herself would never have been able to provide. Instead of seeing the great honor bestowed upon her, she greatly resents it to this day. She is still beside herself missing this calf and mourning its death in childhood at your hands despite my repeated explanations of its great necessity and utility. I unhappily must report that such petty attitudes are shared by the majority of your subjects, and I must say such ingratitude should relieve you all the more of any lingering regrets you may have regarding using such unworthy subjects as you wish.
I can also reassure you that such primitive attitudes are shared by those you wisely use as experimental subjects. They strenuously object to being forcibly made to ingest enormous quantities of toxic, or even non-toxic substance until their death because they completely fail understand the absolute necessity of such LD-50 tests (the forcible feeding of substances that may be marketed to determine the dosage wherein 50% of the recipients die). Incredibly they think you should subject your own kind to these tests as they will then be of even greater value to you. They similarly object to being burned, battered, starved, electrified, deliberately injured, given cancer, ulcers, heart disease, mortal infections, amputations, to advance knowledge itself. Little do they realize that such knowledge may sometimes even improve their own lot in time. They have very poor long term perspectives in these matters and as such are no judge of such meritorious actions. They also, and perhaps even more importantly, lack a perspective on values. They give little if any credit to your superiority and self evident moral and godly virtues. Many even go so far as to think you mentally unbalanced, even evil. Such attitudes, if nothing else, are certain proof of their own inferiority and unworthiness of consideration and I am so grateful for the opportunity you have given me to rise above these malicious and ignorant prejudices and see the truth with clarity. Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and feel the luckiest of cows to be able to come even this close to your own eminence and sparkling clarity of perception.
Ever yours,
Elsie 112
The Vegan Manifesto 